Underwater Club Thump: Reviewing Chromatica by Lady Gaga

More Lady Gaga anthems for Empowered Dance Fiends.

I crawled on hands and knees through pages of new releases to find that perfect first album to review AKA judge without mercy. Upon hearing that The Killers delayed what will surely be an epic sonic sheen of Brandon Flowers emanating charisma, I figured I would have to just go with something obscure and under-the-radar. And that’s exactly what led me to Chromatica by Lady Gaga. Obscure and under-the-radar.

This is how we’re going to do this. Since The Audio Glow is so edgy and unique, we won’t listen to the album first, then craft a careful narrative around a central theme of thoughts. There will be no prior research. I’m simply going to douse my body in pink sequins and write what it evokes as I listen…

Sound good?

*A STAR IS BORN SPOILER* Now, let’s just hope by the end of this album, Bradley Cooper hasn’t hung himself again.

Headphones In.
Commence Chromatica by Lady Gaga.  

Track 1 – Chromatica I

Feel like I’m at the Oscars right now. So symphonic. Is this Lady Gaga on Ice? Climactic intro – this is Lady Gaga clearing her throat with an orchestra.

Track 2 – Alice

And we glide right into Alice. I already want to fall down a flight of European stairs into a basement club soaked in blue aura. Definitely a late 90s synth vibe creeping about here. This is like the 2020 version of Rhythm is a Dancer. This is classic Lady Gaga National Anthem-level arena power. Between her always declarative voice and the booming euro-synth – alright, what’s next, Gaga?

Track 3 – Stupid Love

Mmm, love me some stupid love. As long as it doesn’t end in the pregnancy thing. Pulsating and urgent. Not my stupid love – the song. Sounds like the anthem that would play during the skate-off scene of a Disney middle school rollerblading competition movie: Oh no, there’s Zach watching from the bleachers in his Billabong shorts! And mom! And my always disapproving vanilla dad who showed up to see what this rollerblading dance thing is all about and is begrudgingly entertained!

I watched the Stupid Love video after hearing the album and the exact way to describe it is Mad Max: Fury Road meets Empire of the Sun. Really pretty generic for a Gaga joint.

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Tell me Gaga and Luke Steele of Empire of the Sun don’t use the same eyeliner artist.

Track 4Rain On Me (with Ariana Grande)

Two powerhouses on the same track. I wish I could ponder whether this song was an innocent take on the rejuvenating qualities of rain or a deluge of liquid innuendo, but the video’s been out for two weeks already. If you go by that, it’s about being able to cry in gothic glam outfits with a dance crew.

The beat is infectious – that’s what you get when you mix a Pop Overlord with the candy apple that is Ariana Grande. I appreciate the underwater swirls of euphoric resonance that ride under the track. Another reason why this song’s already a quarantine banger in your mom’s 2018 Kia Sportage with the bass turned up: the production is so tight. Obviously, with an album as obscure and indie lo-fi as a Gaga joint, I did not expect this level of gloss.

Track 5 – Free Woman

“I walk the downtown, hear my sound.” Nice line. Already loving that firm, strong beat with the currents of electricity reverberating off her voice. Notice all these songs so far are almost exactly three minutes. There were probably like, 27 producers working to cut these tracks just right (as would be typical of an indie garage-pop album), but it’s noticeable how focused she is on pumping out straight dance snack tracks.

Unless I’m mistaken, Lady’s Gaga’s empowered yell of “I’m a free woman” leads me to believe this song is probably not about submitting to a man and cooking him casseroles.

Track 6 – Fun Tonight

“Fun Tonight” is already primed to be the seventh song in a two-hour set in front of 70,000 fans with glowsticks. Sparser, simpler beat than some of the previous tracks. Leaning more into her pop element versus the euro/club vibes from the first few. What’s the theme here? Declarative. Power. Leaning into the night.

Track 7 – Chromatica II

The symphony has returned. The Lady Gaga lets the orchestra take over so she may pause and chug a bottle of glitter water.

Track 8 – 911

Lady Gaga feeling dangerous. This beat is like seven women in leather stride confidently into the room and demand to see the DJ. On a serious note, this song is completely about Lady Gaga’s use of antipsychotic medication and her battles against herself. She’s been a moon goddess of the stage for what, 13 years now? On Chromatica, Lady Gaga still effortlessly melds her struggle into dance tracks that sound like a dominatrix standing on top of a moving train. If I were a guy who had a site that was, say, into analyzing sounds and emotions, I’d observe that the power of her sound is her way of saying “I claim who I am through the sheer authority of these beats – I own myself”.

Track 9 – Plastic Doll

This beat is like a cryogenically frozen robot awakens and learns human emotion on the dance floor. Ironically, it sounds like a meta take on her own image as a caricature of a pop star. But it’s ambiguous if she’s talking about society judging her or a man. “No, I’m not your plastic doll.”

Track 10 – Sour Candy (with BLACKPINK)

Bringing in that freaky vibraphone. This is what I was waiting for, Gaga. Show me that freak stuff. I take that back – I came into this album with an open heart and clean mind…. No, I stand by it. I was looking forward to the freak stuff.

That vibraphone beat is what all dictators should listen to before making a bad decision. “Sir, don’t bomb that village – please listen to the Gaga first.” I guarantee more dictators doused in Gaga vibraphone glitter beats is better for the world.

Track 11 – Enigma

Opening with those subtle swirls of layered resonance. And her voice rises to that declaration of power again: “We could be lovers”. I know I’m heaping a lot of positive energy towards the album, but this song sounds like a generic euro-pop track. Thankfully for the Gaga, her voice carries and it will be fine for future mall background music.

Track 12 – Replay

Gotta praise those intro swirls of euphoric production for the 77th time. Just subtle ripples, and then they let the beat and Gaga carry the rest of the song. Just enough neon phosphorescence to classify the sound as Club over Pop. “Replay” and “911” have the heaviest Club thump-thump.

Track 13 – Chromatica III

It’s hard to commentate on a 27-second song, but…it drifts right into a song with Elton John. Like I said, no prior research! Of course, a cinematic buildup is needed to lead into a duet duel-off between Lady Gaga and Elton John.   

Track 14 – Sine From Above (with Elton John)

Oh my goodness, that trance beat break-in at 1:27. I’m gonna keep laying in this song like a puddle of melty starglow, but definitely check out the lyrics. Appreciation is deserved.

Wow. Instant run playlist add. I must replay. I listen to August Burns Red in the shower and I’m putting a Gaga song on repeat. I so strongly empathize with songs about holding on to your life, especially one with beats that sound birthed from an underwater gay Egyptian nightclub.

So impressed.

Track 15 – 1000 Doves

Is there really anything else after Sine From Above? Having another powerhouse dance track is like trying to have sex again 15 seconds after having sex. No way this works.

Yeah, I’m spaced. Can we listen to Sine From Above again?

Track 16 – Babylon

Yes, jungle sounds! Please be more Gaga freak stuff. Okay, here we go. This is more of that Gaga-dancing-on-a-giant-pink-penis melded with a…saxophone? 90s dance-jungle-saxophone vibes. Last song on Chromatica and Lady Gaga wanted to swag out with some dance jungle-saxophone-Egyptian party vibes. I dig.

That’s it. Chromatica by Lady Gaga. Yeah, I know it was a 1,400 word review – get off my back, peasant!

Ljack Twain’s rating for Lady Gaga’s Chromatica:
seven confident dominatrix women dancing in an underwater gay Egyptian nightclub….

that means it’s really good!

Artist Links:

Lady Gaga’s Instagram    

Lady Gaga’s website

Upcoming Lady Gaga shows:

July 24th, 2020 — Paris
July 30th, 2020 — London
August 5th, 2020 — Boston
August 9th, 2020 — Toronto
August 14th, 2020 — Chicago
August 19th, 2020 — New Jersey

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